Monday, March 19, 2012

Challenges and Why I Suck at Them

So my 14-Day Challenge?

I failed.

But not entirely.

I did get a whole helluva lot more done than I would have otherwise. So, yay for that!

I'm way closer to finishing Burnout now and that is a very good thing. So I'm focusing on the positive. Mostly.

But considering that I've technically failed this self-imposed challenge, I've taken a few moments to self-reflect. Why do I SUCK so badly at challenges? Because, believe me, this is not the first time I have failed a challenge.

I do it all the time. I see people talking about some new word count challenge or there's the infamous NANOWRIMO and I get all hyped up for about five minutes thinking I can totally pull that off too if so many other people can. And then I start the challenge and do good for about ten minutes.... and then I fail.

Sometimes it's a spectacular failure that includes total and complete disregard of the challenge altogether and a whole lot of denial. Sometimes it's a little less dramatic. But I pretty much always fail them.

Am I some silly temperamental artist? Some flighty writer who can't commit to anything? No. That's not it. I'm not a quitter. I'm stubborn as all get out. That's courtesy of my parents. I swear both of their skulls are made of titanium instead of bone, which would make mine titanium to the second power.

But I think I've finally figured it out, guys. The thing that makes me stop all these online challenges that I keep signing up for.


FEARRRRRRRRRRRR

Which is stupid. And pathetic. And just really, REALLY stupid.

Screw fear. I'm not a pansy. I mean, I like scary movies and zombies and blood and guts and gore. I adore haunted houses. I like being scared. I like the fear. Which kind of also explains why I keep punishing myself with all these challenges.

Anyway. What is my fear?

I'm thinking that it's finally finishing this damned book and have it end up being nothing more than a pile of literary rubbish that a fifth-grader would spit on.

Which is stupid. And pathetic. And just really, REALLY stupid.

But you know what else? This is a good thing. It's positive. It means I now know my fear. So, my next step is to face it and say:

HA! You know what big, stupid fear?! You can SUCK IT!!!!

So that's what I'm saying now. I actually said it aloud. Just so you know.

And hopefully this bravado of mine will resonate for longer than five or ten minutes... maybe, just maybe it will get me through the next week. Because I'm only eight scenes away from finishing Burnout. And that makes me all quivery and jittery and my heart literally thumped like Thumper in Bambi. Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump. Like that.

And here I am babbling again.

Enough.

Must write.

NOW.

Before bravado wears off.

Wish me luck!!

:-/

3 comments:

  1. Suck it, Fear! Go for it, Amy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. <-- what I like to hear.

    If I'm the sower, we plant the Seed; if I'm an artist, we RITE the symphonies heard Upstairs ☆IF☆ you accept His lead withe orchestra...

    Wanna find-out the fax, Jak, in a wurld fulla the 'power of cowards'? Wanna wiseabove to help a 'Plethora Of Wurdz' [POW!] which are look'n for a new home in thy novelty??

    Q: But [gulp] can anyone tell me the difference between K2 plus IQ? A: Nthn. In Heaven, we gitt'm both for eternity HeeHee Need a few more thots, ideers, wild wurdz (whoa, Nelly! easy, girl) or ironclad iconoclasms?

    VERBUM SAT SAPIENTI: As an ex-writer of the sassy, savvy, schizophenia we all go thro in this lifelong demise, I wanna help U.S. git past the ping-pong-politics, the whorizontal more!ass! we're in (Latin: words to wise).

    "This finite existence is only a test, son," God Almighty told me in my coma. "Far beyond thy earthly tempest is where you'll find tangible, corpulent eloquence". Lemme tella youse without d'New Joisey accent...

    I actually saw Seventh-Heaven when we died: you couldn't GET! any moe curly, party-hardy-endorphins, extravagantly-surplus-lush Upstairs (in [the] end without end -Saint Augustine) when my o-so-beautifull, brilliant, bombastic girly passed-away due to those wry, sardonic satires.

    "Those who are wise will shine as brightly as the expanse of the Heavens, and those who have instructed many in uprightousness as bright as stars for all eternity" -Daniel 12:3, NJB

    Here's also what the prolific, exquisite GODy sed: 'the more you shall honor Me, the more I shall bless you' -the Infant Jesus of Prague.

    Go gitt'm, girl. You're incredible. See you Upstairs. I won't be joining'm in the nasty Abyss where Isis prowls
    thesuperseedoftime.blogspot.com
    infowars.com
    -YOUTHwitheTRUTH
    -------------------------------
    PS Need summore unique, uncivilized, useless names? Lemme gonna gitcha started, brudda:

    Oak Woods, Franky Sparks, Athena Noble, Autumn Rose, Faith Bishop, Dolly Martin, Willow Rhodes, Cocoa Major, Roman Stone, Bullwark Burnhart, Magnus Wilde, Kardiak Arrest, Will Wright, Goldy Silvers, Penelope Summers, Sophie Sharp, Violet Snow, Lizzy Roach, BoxxaRoxx, Aunty Dotey, Romero Stark, Zacharia Neptooh, Mercurio Morrissey, Fritz & Felix Franz, Victor Payne, Isabella Silverstein, Mercedes Kennedy, Redding Rust, Phoenix Martini, Ivy Squire, Sauer Wolfe, Yankee Cooky, -blessed b9...

    God blessa youse
    (trust-N-Jesus)
    -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL

    ReplyDelete
  3. <-- what I like to hear.

    If I'm the sower, we plant the Seed; if I'm an artist, we RITE the symphonies heard Upstairs ☆IF☆ you accept His lead withe orchestra...

    Wanna find-out the fax, Jak, in a wurld fulla the 'power of cowards'? Wanna wiseabove to help a 'Plethora Of Wurdz' [POW!] which are look'n for a new home in thy novelty??

    Q: But [gulp] can anyone tell me the difference between K2 plus IQ? A: Nthn. In Heaven, we gitt'm both for eternity HeeHee Need a few more thots, ideers, wild wurdz (whoa, Nelly! easy, girl) or ironclad iconoclasms?

    VERBUM SAT SAPIENTI: As an ex-writer of the sassy, savvy, schizophenia we all go thro in this lifelong demise, I wanna help U.S. git past the ping-pong-politics, the whorizontal more!ass! we're in (Latin: words to wise).

    "This finite existence is only a test, son," God Almighty told me in my coma. "Far beyond thy earthly tempest is where you'll find tangible, corpulent eloquence". Lemme tella youse without d'New Joisey accent...

    I actually saw Seventh-Heaven when we died: you couldn't GET! any moe curly, party-hardy-endorphins, extravagantly-surplus-lush Upstairs (in [the] end without end -Saint Augustine) when my o-so-beautifull, brilliant, bombastic girly passed-away due to those wry, sardonic satires.

    "Those who are wise will shine as brightly as the expanse of the Heavens, and those who have instructed many in uprightousness as bright as stars for all eternity" -Daniel 12:3, NJB

    Here's also what the prolific, exquisite GODy sed: 'the more you shall honor Me, the more I shall bless you' -the Infant Jesus of Prague.

    Go gitt'm, girl. You're incredible. See you Upstairs. I won't be joining'm in the nasty Abyss where Isis prowls
    thesuperseedoftime.blogspot.com
    infowars.com
    -YOUTHwitheTRUTH
    -------------------------------
    PS Need summore unique, uncivilized, useless names? Lemme gonna gitcha started, brudda:

    Oak Woods, Franky Sparks, Athena Noble, Autumn Rose, Faith Bishop, Dolly Martin, Willow Rhodes, Cocoa Major, Roman Stone, Bullwark Burnhart, Magnus Wilde, Kardiak Arrest, Will Wright, Goldy Silvers, Penelope Summers, Sophie Sharp, Violet Snow, Lizzy Roach, BoxxaRoxx, Aunty Dotey, Romero Stark, Zacharia Neptooh, Mercurio Morrissey, Fritz & Felix Franz, Victor Payne, Isabella Silverstein, Mercedes Kennedy, Redding Rust, Phoenix Martini, Ivy Squire, Sauer Wolfe, Yankee Cooky, -blessed b9...

    God blessa youse
    (trust-N-Jesus)
    -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL

    ReplyDelete